I love you, grandma

I haven't really written much for quite a while, I used to be able to transform my thoughts into words to record the days in my life that is worth remembering.  Well, I put it down to being busy with never-ending assignments and essays, but maybe I was just really tired to think about anything else other than the piling workload.

Not today.

I saw a patient who was diagnosed with an aggressive thyroid cancer and given her age, the management plan was palliative radiotherapy because the cancer has invaded her recurrent laryngeal nerve.  Even though her voice is affected, she was still a cheerful lady, showering us with lots of encouragement and big smiles when we came over to talk to her.

She reminded me of my dear grandma, who is always so happy to see me, so supportive of my decisions, so proud of me for who I am right now.  After I first told her that I was going to study medicine, her first question whenever we meet had always been "When are you going to graduate?  I am waiting for you to come back and be my doctor."  But the last time when I saw her, before leaving, she held my hand and asked, "When are you going to graduate?  I am afraid that I can't wait for you to come back."

It scared me.  A lot.

I am afraid that that will be her final goodbye to me.
I am afraid that I won't be able to meet her for one last time.
I am afraid that I do not have the chance to tell her how much I love her.

I want you to witness my graduation and be proud of me.
I want you to be strong, healthy and to be there for me when I return.
I want you to welcome me with your arms wide, to hug me tight and not let go.

I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up, and we're wrapped in light, in life, in love. - Afire love, by Ed Sheeran

I love you, grandma, to the moon and back.